I · took · the · road · less · traveled- · now · where · the · hell · am · I?

I made this for my niece, I was totally inspired by this post over at craftgrrl. 
She has huge ears and little shoes and a purse that holds a journal with lined paper inside.  The doll is made out of a felted wool sweater that I got at goodwill (the bins.)  I will have to keep my eye out for other things to put in her bag.  I put a picture of my niece and I on the back of the book.  :)

(if the pictures won't load, look at them here: http://www.melaniesage.blogspot.com/

( one more )

We woke up and realized we were supposed to have turned clocks back, and then realized, with all the newfangled gadgets we own, everything had automatically adjusted itself to the correct time.  Even the alarm clock went off at the right time.  To figure this out, we finally ran around the house and found a battery-operated clock.  We missed out on the change all together.  (I remember that my favorite thing about "fall back" is anticipating an extra hour of sleep, which I guess I got, but I didn't get to anticipate it!  Damn!)

A writer in 1947 noted, "I don't really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves." (Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947, XIX, Sunday.)

I mentioned that in long boring trainings a few weeks ago I got pretty good at drawing my hand (this was my  most compliant model.)  Here's my favorite sketch ( (ballpoint pen on blue file folder) )

There is so much to do and see, ackkk!!!! 

We bought a tent and cots and sleeping bags and camping goodness, and this weekend we are traversing out on 75 acres owned by a friend out on the coast to party with freeschool staff and council and their families.  It will be much good stuff I imagine.  We got a fancy cot pad and I think that I will sleep fine (I am very picky about things bed-related, princess & pea-like.)

I am such a shoe whore.  We went to REI tonight and I carressed the clearance hiking sandals.  I already have two pairs of Keens though, so I backed away.  Still, my heart cries out!  Beautiful shoes!  (I talked Todd into getting two pair.  He is behind.)

The training in Salem daily is like watching grass grow.  It may be the end of me.  I need to get better at my daydreaming.

Kristofer is writing a new book.  I think he's given up on his last one.  This is about the fifth he's started.  Maybe someday he'll publish a book of book-starts.  They are, in general, incredible.

The world is a lovely place.  Some days it caves in on me just a little, but mostly it is a lovely place.   I hope you are enjoying it from where you stand.

xxoo, me

I notice this theme in blogs and journals, women seeking their soul and reflecting on the world clearly through their place in it... how they relate to art, to motherhood, to work.  And men often reflect on world events, sports, The External.  There are exceptions, of course, but I see a trend.  Is this because women are contemplating their choices, finally hearing the message "you can be anything" in this newfound world of almost-equality?  Or that the choices of men are more limited because they are born breadwinners, and therefore need less self-reflection, knowing they have to "just do it"? Is it the nurture gene that makes women more reflective on the internal?  Or is it blindness I experience by running in a crowd of people so similar to me?  I think about my circle of "friends", people whose worlds I hear about, the women I share secrets with... in some ways, a much wider circle because of the internet that connects us like dots through the US, across continents even, and in other ways, such a smaller microcosm of people who have interests like me, mostly live in middle-class homes like me, have the benefits of life similar to mine, with internet connections and families and hobbies, frequenting this place on the internet where people speak their words through their fingertips, sending them out to unseen faces... in this way, my circle of experiences is smaller because of the internet.  What do you think?

Quarter officially over (*sort of, I have one more short paper due) and I am feeling restless already, time to unload, think again, try to make my brain work.  1 year down.

-  leg bouncing, head going.

I am thinking about deleting this journal and starting a fresh one.  Which is weird, because the recording of history seems important to me.  Or significant at least.  I wouldn't want to lose it, I'd "back it up" and print it probably.  But it seems done, like it's time to start new.  Not cut and paste my interests into a new journal, but start fresh, with my current truths.  Stop hiding and be honest and speak to the bigger picture issues that fill my space. 

Today was Kristofer's last day of free school for the year.  He is going to miss it.  All the staff members wrote all the kids individual notes, it was awesome.  Video yearbook=awesome.  My kid=awesome.  Free school is a blessing, for him and for me.  It's changing his world.  The real job is helping him feel safe in thinking as big as he wants to, he can't escape his own box, the lingering impact of public school and social norms.  I can't begin to explain the peace that freeschool has brought me, every time I think about it I start to cry.  Yeah, I can't explain it, I think my heart hurts so bad for what he endured in public school and the negative effect this had on him, the way his spirit was being crushed, and I am so crazy grateful for this new chance, it overwhelms my mind and heart.  And I am angry at the system and guilty myself for not being able to find a better way.  So these tears come, especially around my son's school experience, more than anything else in my life.  This is retarded, because he's in a great place right now.  I read somewhere that having a child is like having your heart live outside of your body, this visual is so true for me.

I effing hate the way emotion wells up in me and comes out in tears when I am overwhelmed, I wish I didn't have this reaction, I am trying to just let it come and pass and keep going, which also freaks me out because I am so stupid-worried about being judged, and I judge myself harshly, and I let my words get stuck in my throat.   I CHOKE.  and then i try to explain it by spitting out what seems to be the obvious, but I know that's not it, that there is some intangible fucked-up thing in my head/heart that makes me this way and I hate that.  I need to find a way to repair this broken part.

My gig at CPS is going to run out in the next few weeks, and I think this is good.  I like to know what's going on at CPS, it's important to know so that I can speak to the needs for change, organizational shifts.  If I decide to use my time that way (and I imagine I will use some of my time that way.)  I have to get out because I can get fueled by that engine that just drives on automatic because there is so much to be done.  And this is not where I want to be, on automatic... I want to be the wrench in the gear.

Tomorrow night is the Village Circle Meeting, which is the annual meeting  for the freeschool.  I am going to help facilitate. 

I think I am going to take a grant writing class this summer.

Downloaded some meditation podcasts.  Making plans around my mom coming this summer for Zine Symposium.  Got concerts this summer, too, Ani will be great.  I miss my niece. I have 2 Ani tickets at $60 ea to anyone on my FL (if you are going to use them for yourselves, please.) 

so, yeah, that's where I am tonight.

I think this is damn interesting, and added some friends 'cause of it. I think it would be nifty if there were one of these that matched users by interest. (i usually add back people who add me.)

I tried out TrustFlow II for LiveJournal. The following people not on the friends list for melaniesage are close by: ( Read more... )

Er, I am posting this to appear at the top of my public entries...my journal is friends only these days (and has been for many months.)  Not to protect me from those who know me, that's why I have a friends list, 'cause I want friends to read.  And not to protect me from people who don't know me, 'cause I don't really care what they know.  But somewhere in the middle, there are a few people who I'd rather not take my words and run with them.

If you want to be my lj friend, just add me and I'll add you back, or reply here.

See i can't even see straight.  Mondays are killers.... my research assistantship from 8am to 1230, then class from 130-430, then class from 530-930.  I read during my breaks, and come home just exhausted.  I have really stretched my schedule... class all day tuesday, then Kris' fencing class Tues night, our class at Kris school Wed night (Wed day time is my study day) and the GRA all day Thurs.  At least I get it all over with on Monday, it beats having to give up another week day to the research assistant position. 

I think the cold really took me out last week, I didn't get that much done.  I am really coming up on a lot of papers.  And I have one teacher who is really amigious, sees his students as "peers" and is in to group decision making, which is all great, but the ambiguity is really uncomfortable too.  My other classes, ugh.  Who volunteers to take a class called "The Philosophy of Science"?  It makes my brain so mushy to think about.  I am still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and running away with the circus is looking better and better. 

My lonely art journal, it will be interesting to see what I put in it once I get back to it.

Peace and love to all my fam and friends-
m

I made a new website.  It'll be non-relevant to most of you 'cause it's about Portland.  (I wish I could put my whole friends list in my pocket and take you all to Portland, it'd be a great party.)  http://creativeportland.com is the new forum I set up.  I am kinda discouraged cause I posted about it a few places and only one person has posted anything there.  I hope it catches on, cause I really want to know where to find all the cool stuff in Portland.  (If you have ever been any cool art places in Portland, go post about them there!)

I am at the public library checking my email. The libraries here are great (except for the one hour internet per day limit!).... you can check out music, DVD's, books, all in unlimited quantities and keep them all for 21 days and renew another 21, they'll even mail them to your house. And lots of branches.

We are moving stuff in the house, what a lot of stuff. :/ It's a lot of work. Todd has started his job, tho he's not crazy about it, says they just warehouse the kids and there is no real theraputic treatment component (he's working as a psych tech at a residential treatment facility.) The good news is that Todd got a last-minute offer to enter the Advanced Standing class of the Master's program here, and he's going to do that, starts next month. (We almost didn't go to Portland because he did not get in to school here and got in in California... fate working itself out) and once he gets his masters he'll be able to get a better job... it sounds like the current place will even work with him around his school hours... they have very high turn-over.

I don't get phone or internet until the 19th! Aggggh! Gonna melt! But, I got the phone plan with unlimited long distance.

The puppy is a poop machine. But she's also cute and cuddly. We are still fighting over the name. Right now we are calling her Puppy Love. :)

Todd got the pool and spa up and running, and we "spa-ed" last night. I broke in my spa tub in the master bedroom, too. We haven't unpacked our bed yet, but I can't wait... yum, bed..... I really do like our house, it was a good choice for us. The neighborhood is very Walton's... the next door neighbor brought us muffins and introduced themselves.... we've had more conversations with neighbors since we've been here than we had the whole three years that we were in Apple Valley, we had snobby neighbors there.

Our local Target (I Looooove Target) is 2 stories with a cute little escalator for the shopping carts. Each floor is the size of a super target. It's huge. I am in target heaven... so many end-of-isle clearance racks!!

More to say, but time is short. I'll post more when I can.
:) Melanie